I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
