Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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