Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
