Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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