At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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