Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
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July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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