The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
