I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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