yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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