yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
