im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
