then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
