I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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