whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
