I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
