I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
