OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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