I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
