sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I want her autograph on my taint
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
