loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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