...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
