Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
