Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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