Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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