fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
