i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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