I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
