Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
