your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
