Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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