What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
