Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
