Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Pooping to opera.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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