You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Send help, water and tortillas.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
