The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
