Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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