Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
