i barfeds in our rink
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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