My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
