I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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