if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
