Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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