Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
