hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
