I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize