why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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