This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
