theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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