My cat gives me a boner
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
