You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
