Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
