I love black thongs
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?