No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
