Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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