I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
