I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
