a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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