I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
