There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
