Someone shit on the floor
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
