About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
