I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
