I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Small penises have feelings too.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
