You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
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lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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