I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
