i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
