at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
