why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
