I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
