a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
