the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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