Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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