pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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