I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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