that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
