i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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