At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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