ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
